first week of school

Well, the first week of school is done and it's gone really well.  I'm actually surprised at how much all the kids love it this year.  Kason who I thought would have a hard time adjusting to all day at school absolutely loves it and when I told the kids this morning tomorrow is Saturday and they get to stay home Kason was pretty disappointed because Kindergarten apparently is more fun. :)  Anika isn't quite as enthusiastic as Kason but she hasn't cried at all and is excited to go to school in the morning.  I'm so happy she gets to see Emily at recess for a bit at least because she really misses playing with her every day.  And Kade loves his first guy teacher.  He wasn't very happy when I pushed for him to get this teacher but now he's saying that he's probably the best teacher he's ever had.  So I'm really grateful for that and what a great Christian mentor to be for tween boys.  Kade's teacher is big into chess and I wish my brother Erik was here to give Kade some pointers because I suck at chess.  I got a set that comes with helpful cards for the beginners but I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't have a strategy, it's just thinking 2 steps ahead. :)  But hopefully Kade gets something more out of playing it in class.

And me, I am really enjoying the quiet house this week.  Even though I had a painful dentist appointment yesterday that took all day and I go again to my dentist in town today, other than that I've been able to get a lot done.  And I can't even describe how weird it feels to drop the kids off at school and go for a run in town just because I can.  :)  Really, I feel very guilty about being able to do it, like I don't deserve it, like I'm cheating somehow and that is how the rich moms live, not me.  But I also totally get those suburban moms now when they say they're the kids' taxi driver because that is what I'm beginning to feel like even though we don't have to drive such long distances.  Taking Anika to dance twice a week, Kade to football, every morning dropping them off at school and so on.  I am making the kids go on the bus home every day now because it saves me yet another trip to town and back and it saves some time to get things done too.  I still really enjoy my break from little people although I'm starting to get nervous too.  Nervous about having to sub and nervous that they won't call me enough and it will get hard for us financially.  So I pray for peace of mind and trusting that God has a plan in all this or He'll show me the way.

 

first day of school

The first day of school finally came and even though I thought I gave myself plenty of time in the morning, I was still frazzled and a bit stressed. :)  Of course, it is because I had to take pictures of the kids before we went and I had to do Anika's hair all nice, neither of which was necessary.  I was proud of my 1st day pictures though and sent them to Ehren so he'd be excited and all I got from him was "now we really need that new lense" :)  Yes, the time has come when our camera is refusing to take good pictures, zoom doesn't always work and sometimes there is a big blur in the middle of the picture due to someone (ok, it was me) dropping it on the gravel road.  Ehren already bought a nice camera from a friend but we need to get a lense for it.  I can't wait to take pictures with it.

Anyway, I get so stressed out about first day of ANYTHING and as I kept telling Kade how it's ok to be nervous and scared I think I was just saying that to myself because unlike last year he was just fine today.  All 3 kids got up all excited, Kason got dressed in 2 seconds and came into the kitchen looking like a true redneck :) so I sent him back to change into the clothes I got ready the night before.  Kason was just beyond excited to go to Kindergarten which surprised me a little because I was expecting him wanting to stay with me.  It was the first time I was able to drive the kids to school and I was so grateful for that.  Saying good bye didn't go totally smooth but I expected that.  Anika hugged me real tight and didn't want to let go at first.  But then I walked over to her desk with her and there was a coloring sheet to work on so it didn't take long at all before she's digging into her "task".  She loves getting tasks and she's such a hard worker at doing it the best she can.

Next, we went to Kason's classroom and I think he would have been fine if the whole class wasn't sitting in their seats all quiet as mice and all watched what Kason was going to do.  And out of all the things I think Kason hates the most when strange people are looking at him so he got his frowny face on right away and then covered his face with a paper so nobody could see him.  I was a bit worried about him crying or throwing a fit but I knew the best thing was to leave.

Walking away from the school was strange.  No more little kids holding my hand while I'm carrying another one, no more needing to watch out for kids around me as I was crossing the road.  I was still nervous for my children though.  Funny how some things don't change.  My mom would be the same exact way and now it's my turn to feel sick to my stomach when any of my children has to face a tough day, a big test, etc. :)

I had a lovely time with a friend after that and it was so nice to chat with her since I never get to visit with just her alone.  I don't even know how but the time flew by like nothing and when I got home it was almost noon.  I looked at the clock and thought "it can't be! I still have so much I want to get done in my alone time!" :)  It was heavenly to just sit down for a minute and hear - silence.  It was the best music to my ear.  I've been longing this summer to be still and quiet with nobody around and it finally happened.  I loved it and it was just what I needed today.  

And it turns out I didn't have to be all nervous for the kids.  They all did great and had a fun day at school.  Kason was talking 100 miles a minute when he saw me and Kade absolutely loves his new teacher which I'm so glad about.  It was a great start to our year and I'm really looking forward to having more family time in the evenings too.

Anika's and Emily's first ballet class

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It is finished...

My very last day of daycare was yesterday and I still can't believe it's happening.  No more baby gear around the house, no more diapers, wet wipes and toys I'd rather throw away.  And no more figuring out what to buy for all those snacks during the week, lunches and never ending dishes that go with it. :)

I really thought I'd be more sad when the day came and I was a bit sad to say good bye to Carson who I probably won't see again but mostly, I felt a relief.  This year has gone so slow, especially the summer with all the kids here so the excitement of being done was way bigger than the sadness I felt.  And a lot of it has to do with the fact that out of all the kids I watched I'm the closest to my 2 nieces and since they are basically our neighbors we will see them any time we want.  And I am very glad for that because our kids love playing with Emily and Aveah, especially Anika misses Emily after just not seeing her for a day.

So today I woke up and went straight to Anika's room where most of the play time occurs and organized all the toys and everything.  I got 2 garbage bags full of toys to throw away because I don't think anyone would want them even if I gave them away for free.  Then there are some nice wooden toys/puzzles that our kids have outgrown and I stored those.  Now I feel like I can breath in that room even though it was always picked up.  I went through some of the stuff in the boys room too but there is still a lot to store away so I'll have to get to that soon.  We also cleaned up the basement better and slowly we're getting our house back to just our family and not like we have 10 children living here. :)

School is about to start and I'm really looking forward to having more structure to our days again.  I pray that Kason and Anika don't cry the first few days but we'll see.  I know Kason will have a hard time being in school every day until 3pm, it gets to be a very long day for a 5 year old.  But I'm excited I'll be able to drive the kids to school so they don't have to get up so early to catch the bus and most days I'll pick them up too which will give us more time at home before bed time.  I'm hoping to volunteer in Ani's and Kason's classrooms too so I can see how their day goes and see how it's done before I have to sub.  With that, most of the time you have no idea you have to work until about 7:30 in the morning when the phone rings and they tell me I have to go to this school and sub for this teacher.  So it will be interesting and I just hope most of the time the teachers will leave good instructions for me.  I'm getting very nervous about it, especially going to High School where the kids seem so huge. :) I know I have to put a game face on and pretend I know the stuff they're doing but kind of hoping they'll give me a password to get online so I can google what I don't know. :)

So, it has been really great 4 and a half years or so that I did daycare.  Our kids loved having little buddies and they never complained about sharing their toys and things with them.  There were some hard times too, like when I had to take care of 2 babies while having 1 toddler and 3 preschoolers and those months were just a haze to me but I really can't complain.  I am thankful for the families I had because they were all very nice and their kids were great to take care of.  So, it's time to move on and I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me personally, finding out what I should focus my time and energy on and almost rediscover myself again.

Some of my favorite recent and old pictures:

last day of daycare treat

  

and he's 10...

Where did the time go?  When you say 10 years old, it is a big kid and it just doesn't seem real we have one of those. :)  Kade has been waiting a long time for this since all his buddies have birthdays before his.  He's been wanting to play football and soccer with his friends for his birthday but as the day came closer we knew we would have to do it in the water because of the heat.  Let me tell you, living here we're not used to heat waves at the end of August. :)  And even though I've been trying my best to not say anything negative about the weather because like everyone I know all too well what is coming (the never ending winter weather) this week the heat is just draining all the energy and motivation out of me.  I keep checking the forecast and I can't wait for it to go down to 70 in a few days.

So Kade had 6 friends over and they had a lot of fun for the most part.  Kade has been very much into sleepovers this summer so he had to have them stay overnight. :)  I thought we can deal with one bad night this one time but it's probably the last party with a sleepover.  Of course half of them didn't want to sleep and did all they could to keep the other half up.  For a while they played musical beds, downstairs, upstairs and finally after 1am they were quiet but not for too long because they were back to playing kick ball at 6:30am, in the house. :)  Kade is in the stage where he loves getting together with his friends and if there is one day for us to be home and relax together you can be sure he'll ask who can come over or whose house can he go to.  I'm expecting it will only get worse as he's getting closer to teenage years so I'm trying to enjoy the time we still have with him.  I see a lot of myself in him, he is an extrovert where he gets energized being around friends but he's not the loud outspoken person like you expect extroverts to be. 

And this past year it is becoming very clear to me we have a tween at home.  It is so different and so challenging at times.  Some days me and him just clash mostly because he's becoming so independent and thinks he knows best so we're trying to work on respect and obeying.  Sometime I miss the days when he was a toddler or a preschooler because he was so compliant and listened from a very young age, always at the first warning .  A complete opposite from his brother Kason who has kept us on our toes from the beginning. :)  But it is interesting how the closer to puberty they get that childlike innocence and obeying goes out the window and the outbursts and emotions can take them over.  I got a book for Kade for his birthday - "so you're about to be a teenager" by Dennis Rainey and I hope to read it with him.  I've heard a lot of good reviews on it and in the midst of all the stuff coming at the kids from the media, school, peers I hope Kade is able to see the path God has for him.   

Kade's cousin Emily had some kittens on their farm about 2 months ago and Kade has been asking and asking to keep one.  I told him he needs to ask dad and dad said no, we already have a cat.  At first he was bummed but then he accepted it and stopped asking for it while at the same time I told Ehren maybe we should let him take care of his own kitten because after our other one is dead Kade will probably be in college.  He agreed and we schemed a surprise where he opened his present of kitten food.  He didn't say anything for a while because he didn't want to assume he's getting it but when he saw the kitten he smiled from ear to ear. :)  All the kids have been loving the kitten today and I'm glad she's ok with being carried around and held a lot.




So it was a good birthday celebration.  I feel like it marks a new chapter in our life where Kade is not so little anymore and it will bring a lot of new challenges with it as well as joys of watching him mature and figuring out who he is and who he can be.

two more weeks...

Two more weeks!  "I can do it, I can do it" is what I keep telling myself these days.  Honestly, the kids are driving me crazy, seems like every summer right about now.  It's not so much having extra kids I watch as it is my own kids.  Kade and Kason clash quite a bit on a daily basis but now that we're home all the time it is even more so and sometimes I feel like I'm just separating them or resolving issues.  I know that the biggest part of it is this forever long break from school.  I don't know who decided that 3 months off of school is a good idea, especially since they don't seem to be doing much during the school year either.  Kids need structure, they need to be learning or else they get bored and sooner or later they get into smaller or bigger trouble.  Even though the kids are outside a lot every day, they still need structure after such a long time of nothing on the schedule.  So, more than anything right now, I am craving getting into our routine of school, homework, church, sports, and so on.  

Originally I thought I'd have at least a couple of weeks now without the daycare kids but that didn't happen so I think it is also adding to me losing my sanity.  I just can't say to them they can't bring their kids since 3 families don't have anyone lined up until September.  I also feel like I need to stick with it until the end since I'm going into an unknown period as far as being called in to sub and getting paid.  So, 2 more weeks and then I'll be free. :)  Free to have my mornings and early evenings with my kids, to not have to stress about meals every night, it will be beautiful. 

Another thing that I am really excited about is that Kade is old enough now to watch Kason and Anika for a little while, if I need to run errands, have an appointment and stuff.  It is so freeing when the kids get to this age because it's not easy to always find someone to watch them or juggling it between me and Ehren only.  So, despite the negative of kids growing up like the outbursts and hormones acting up (yes, already at 10 years old!) I still love the extra freedom it brings with it and how it allows us to have fun family outings and trips.  And the kids don't cry after an hour in the car anymore! :)  So many little things you forget.  When you're in the middle of it, you don't know any better and just deal with it but once you're passed that it is so hard to think about going back to babies.  It also just occurred to me recently that it's not just my kids getting older, it's me too. :)  There are a lot of new moms joining our mom's group and as I looked around the last time I realized how different my life is now from theirs when it seems like just yesterday when I was there having toddlers and preschoolers and running after them like crazy whenever we'd be out and about. :)  So life changes and it changes faster than I realize.  I just hope I am able to hold tight to these moments I have now with our kids, when they still listen and want to listen and cherish them because before I know it they'll be graduating.

biking day

Today was a great day.  We had a nice family time away in the Itasca state park that's nearby.  We talked for a while about taking kids there to go biking and today we finally did it before the summer is over.  We knew the area is hilly, but oh my goodness those hills are crazy for little kids to try to bike up and down on.  Poor Kason on his little bike tried hard but pretty soon when at each corner there was a new hill waiting for him to conquer he got discouraged pretty quickly and decided he'd rather walk up the hills.  It was a bit stressful at times too since Kason hasn't done much bike path riding at all and has no concept of staying on the right side or even any hills at all.  We are fortunate to live on the top of a pancake and so never have to worry about hills when running or biking. :)  And it is the reason why I about had a heart attack watching Kason zoom down those steep hills.  He wasn't worried at all but I'm sure everyone that met us could tell I am as I was yelling "Brake, Kason. Brake!" "Get on the right side, Kason!  Watch the road, don't look at me!" and so on :)  I have to admit it was very stressful watching his little bike wiggle from side to side as he was going downhill full speed.  He loved that part of the biking, but going up the hills not so much. But we made it to the end of the path and even though we originally thought we would make it back the same way, both Ehren and I were terrified at the thought of Kason walking up every hill on the way back and so Ehren stayed at the play ground with the kids while I biked back and drove the van to them.  I am so glad we decided to do that because I haven't had that much fun in a long time.  I was going faaaast and loving it. :) Well, of course there was an old man biker who zoomed by me on a big hill like nothing but for the shape I'm in right now, I was going fast. :)  And just not having to worry about any child falling and braking a leg or something worse was so nice and I fully enjoyed it.  I told Ehren next time we need to drop the kids off somewhere and go bike there just the two of us. :)  Now I'm sore but I love being sore and need it badly right now.  I was going to take some pictures of the biking but somehow it didn't happen.  I at least got some of the kids at the Headwaters and Bemidji.  It was a beautiful afternoon so we spent some time in Bemidji which we always enjoy.

Heaven...

Kason is in that age when he loves talking about Heaven, about seeing God and Jesus and then of course about dying and stuff. :)  We had a nice fire going tonight, since we've been having a very Fall kind of weather lately.  Somehow it started Kason thinking about hell and probably for the first time he really felt convicted and worried he'd be with the people burning in hell.  We talk about having Jesus in our hearts and asking Him to be our Savior but I always disliked people almost pushing it onto the kids.  I haven't met one young child yet that would be like "oh no, I don't care if I end up in hell.  I don't need Jesus."  And so, with our kids, I really want it to be something they bring up, something they feel very strongly about.  With Kade, he was still little, about 4 years old and for some reason he started thinking about death a lot and what will happen after he dies and that was it, he really wanted Jesus so that he would be sure that's where he's going to be.

With Kason I've been waiting for him to bring it up and recently he has put a lot of thought into it so I tonight after he brought it up by the fire I asked him if he'd like to ask Jesus into his heart.  It was so touching to watch a child-like faith.  He cried as he prayed about his sins and when we were done he jumped up and said "I can't wait to see Jesus!"  It made me smile and I told him that Jesus is not the only one excited, that the angels are singing and having a party all because Kason is going to be in Heaven one day.  He couldn't believe it and got even more excited about that. :)  I love how honest children are and how big their faith can be.

I talk about this off and on with Anika too but she's ever so compliant to everything and I'm almost afraid to ask her to do what Kade and Kason have done because it feels as though she would just do it for me and she probably already said yes to it but I'm not sure it came from her.  And so I'll wait until she asks me, until she realizes she wants this for herself and it is something that she decided on her own.

I know that our kids have a long road ahead of them, a lot of ups and downs and it almost seems to me that a person has to make a decision to follow Christ over and over at each stage of his life.  To recommit his life to Him and get back on track. We have not been very good about our devotion times lately and I've been feeling bad about that.  So I'm very thankful to God that He stirs the hearts of our kids even if we are lagging.  I pray that we can be the parents He created us to be, to encourage, guide and pray as our kids grow. 

We read our old kids book about Heaven tonight.  Kason and Ani both love imagining what it will be like there as we read it.  The angels sang praises there today and the thought of it makes my heart smile.  We are not home yet and have no idea just how awesome it will be once we get there. :)