a scare

What a morning we've had!  Our Kason has given me a huge scare and I'm still not quite over it.  It was going to be a nice mellow morning because my nieces didn't come today so it was just Kason and little Carson until Anika got done with her preschool.  I was cleaning up the kitchen, taking my time and was enjoying the chippery sounds from the boys.  I just thought to myself how thankful I was that they were playing so nice together, even if Carson is only 18 months old.  Then I started to look through some bills quick when somehow I felt a strange feeling that it is way too quiet which is never a good thing with the kids.

I went over to the living room and that is when my "nightmare" began.  I saw the empty pills bottle sitting on our side table and I knew right away.  I asked Kason all the questions at once: "Did you eat these? Where are the pills, Kason? What happened?  Did you eat them?" The bottle with about 60 pills of Fluoride supplements was empty and I couldn't find one pill laying around anywhere.  It was all my fault, just the thought that I was the one who left the bottle there the night before after the kids went to bed made me feel sick to my stomach.  I started looking all over Kason and trying to see if he was ok.  He seemed perfectly fine but he started getting afraid after he saw my expressions.  At first he was just scared he was in trouble but then he got really scared seeing me in the panic mode.  I called Ehren while I was looking up everything about Fluoride over dozing and he left work right away.  Then I called the ER but they had me on hold for so long I got my cell phone out and dialed the poison control at the same time and luckily they talked to me right away.  The lady made me feel so much better, she said the doze should not be threatening to him and it will just give him a really bad stomach ache.  She said to give him as much dairy products as I can because Calcium would absorb the Fluoride.  As I hung up the phone with the lady Kason started telling me his stomach really hurts.  I made him a big glass of chocolate milk right away and by then Ehren got home from work.  As Kason was almost done drinking it, he started coughing and threw up all over the kitchen floor.  I don't think either Ehren or me were ever so happy to see a throw-up. :)  It was all purple because the pills he took were tinted purple with grape flavor.  I was still not sure, how can you tell how much of the pills he ate he actually threw up, but it for sure made me feel way better to see some out of his body.  He still had stomach ache for a couple hours or so after that and laid on the couch for a while.  He also had 2 more cups of chocolate milk and 2 yogurts and I thought that should be plenty of dairy for Kason's little body.  After all that he had to go to the bathroom and I was glad he's able to go and things were moving inside of him.  He also seemed to feel a lot better soon after that and after Anika came home from school you wouldn't know anything has happened.

It seems so unreal that it just happened today.  I feel so bad for leaving it out like that, such a careless thing to do.  But at the same time, I could not be more thankful and full of praise to God that it was such a minor thing.  I am in the middle of my second book about a child being in Heaven (the boy that went to Heaven) and it really makes you think about losing your child or what it would feel like if you had to face that.  It sure makes Heaven more real and closer than ever and I've been trying to talk to the kids more about it.  Just the other day Kason decided he didn't want to die because he didn't want to go to Heaven without me and got a bit upset about having to go by himself if something happened to him.  And I think for a second this morning when I was panicking and telling him he could have gotten really hurt he got really afraid that something would happen to him.  So we prayed together for God to heal his little body and stomach and just like that, Kason was good to go and wasn't upset about it anymore.  That's faith like a child.  I am so happy this day didn't turn into a real nightmare and it was just a good reminder for me to be more careful.  God is good and He takes care of us.
        

teachers

In Slovakia, we had the same teacher for a long time in elementary school.  At least for the first 4 grades I think it was the same teacher.  Here, Kade has had a different teacher every year.  And I have to say, they were all wonderful teachers, until this year. :)  Not that she's bad or mean or anything like that, she just doesn't seem to drive the kids and push them to their limits.  We meet with the teachers twice a year and the first time we met with her it was still the beginning of the year and I wasn't sure what to really think.  This time, we just met with her last night, I was able to form a better opinion and I have to say I'm a bit disappointed.  Not that she is not doing her job, just her attitude towards the class.  I get it, she has mostly boys who are a bit immature (including Kade) because they are months younger than the rest so she has to deal with a lot of that but overall the class is doing exceptionally well academically but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference to her.  Our meeting with her wasn't very long but we spent most of the time talking about Kade either misbehaving with the other boys or him tattle telling on others.  We do recognize it as his weak point right now because he does that a lot at home but we're trying to deal with it.  He's very much concerned with everyone around him and if they are not following the rules he'll be the first one to point it out.  In a way, I think it is a good character trait to have for when he grows up but on the other hand I try to explain to him how nobody likes being told on by someone and especially teachers do not like it.  I'm not sure how to get it through to him because it seems like every day I have to talk to him about it over and over.

Anyway, that is a pretty minor thing because he is very responsible to do all his work and always stays on task at school.  He is also very competitive and tries so hard to improve his score if someone is ahead of him, which is really great.  One thing that bugs me about his teacher though is that she barely even mentioned anything about how well he's doing with math and reading.  She's just like a matter of fact, "you know he passed all the math levels so that's great."  I'm thinking that's all you have to say?  He worked so hard to finish all the levels and she barely acknowledges that.  Their goal really is for all the kids in the class to finish the levels by the end of the school year.  He worked and worked on it and he was the first one in his class by like a month to finish all the levels.  In my mind, that speaks for something and I was so proud of him when he did that.  But I guess that doesn't mean that much to his teacher because he's the tattle tell. :)

I know, I can't complain because kids nowadays have it so easy as far as teachers go.  They're all so nice to the kids, they can't ever go after a misbehaving child or else they would hear back from the upset parents right away.  So Kade doesn't have it hard by any means, but I can tell a huge difference from 2nd to 3rd grade.  He loved his teacher before and was so close to her and wanted to please her so bad but it's not there with his teacher this year.  In a way, I think he wants to win her approval so bad but that won't happen.  And it's ok.  That is life and I know God can use the not such good experiences for our good.  People are not going to be nice to us everywhere we go and it is good for Kade to see that.  And our job is to be the light for those that live in the darkness.  We can't be that light when all we do is stay in our safe homes and safe churches and only spend time with our good Christian friends.  I hope Kade can get stronger and learn from the hard times he has sometimes in school, whether it's with bullies, mean kids or teachers that favor other kids.  And I pray I have the wisdom to teach him and steer him in the right direction and to just be there for him and be available whenever he needs me.  Because in the end, Ehren and I are his first and most important teachers and we need to be the ones teaching him right from wrong.

fresh air

I don't know what it is about fresh air and how it can rejuvenate you right away.  I am one of those people who need their outside physical activity and if it's too long without being able to go it really wears on me.  And this weekend we've had the most gorgeous weather so I was able to be outside again.  I really can't think of another winter since we moved up here that was this nice.  I may actually start liking it here if we have more winters like this. :)

I have been trying to get over a cold this week that won't leave me.  At first I would have cold symptoms one day and the next they would be gone, other than feeling wiped out.  But then the cold came to stay with me and it's been about 5 days now.  Never mind that I am trying to get into so-so running state so I can at least run without stopping at the Fargo 1/2 Marathon.  My sister-in-law Jessica signed up for a race first and then Ingrid and I signed up together so now it's official and I HAVE to start running because the race is in May.  I did it kind of to force myself to start running sooner than I would otherwise and also to hopefully get a better result by my second half marathon that I like to run in October.  So far my running has been very up and down.  I'd have a good week and then me or someone else gets sick and so it goes, always interrupted workout time.  On Sunday morning I woke up, still feeling very stuffed up and coughing but I was determined to use this beautiful day and go running in the afternoon.  Well, the afternoon came and I could tell there's no way my body would enjoy running already feeling weak enough but I didn't want to lose such a beautiful day.  And so the only obvious choice was - a long brisk walk.  I haven't done that forever because if I go walking by myself I might as well run. :)  I do love long walks, especially with good friends so we can chat away while we walk but it's not easy to sync our busy schedules and come up with a good time.  So I just run by myself, with my mp3 player instead.  But today I walked instead and I couldn't even use my mp3 player because the batteries went dead but after a little while, I was really enjoying my walk.  It was the perfect temperature, a slight breeze would hit my face and I just enjoyed the fresh air and quiet Sunday streets.  I am so glad I decided to go outside instead of trying to take a nap.  It cleared my head, I got some much needed alone time and it felt great.

It made me think of when I was working in the Cities and I had a dedicated walking buddy and a great friend Marcia who I would walk with every lunch break.  I miss those walking lunch breaks so much, still after 5 1/2 years.  I gave up trying to find that someone to go walking with me here in TRF but maybe some day I will find that person again. :)  It is a bit sad too when we get these beautiful days because in a way it makes me too eager for Spring, but Spring is still 2-3 months away.  But I'm really thankful for the beautiful weather I had today and for the time I got to enjoy some fresh air.  I hope we get many more days like that.    

 

ice skating

Anika

A couple weekends ago an exciting thing happend - Ani started skating on her own!  It was a huge thing for her and she was so proud.  We didn't have our camera then so we went this weekend again so she could show dad how she can skate because he missed it.  It is not exactly skating, more like walking on ice :) but that's ok, it is the beginning anyway.  I just had to post something because I am so proud of  our Ani.  Ever since she was about 18 months old she's had a harder time with some physical activities than other kids.  She walked at 12 months but as a toddler she had a harder time with things like walking up and down the stairs, jumping, throwing balls, walking on a straight line and so on.  She even had a few months of physical therapy which really didn't do much because I felt like they weren't doing anything we didn't already do every day.  At the end the therapist said she's still a little bit behind her age yet she doesn't qualify for therapy anymore.  So we've been just encouraging her in anything she found interest in.  And it's not at all like she has a handicap and we don't ever talk about her as if something was wrong with her because there's nothing wrong.  Some kids are just not that coordinated or physically gifted and that's ok.  I'm ok with her not being a fast runner or never being picked for a good sports team, but I want to encourage her as she learns new things and support her when she decides she'd like to try something new (well, within reason of course :)).

Anika always loved the thought of ice skating and last year she was very scared to try it on her own but this year we only did it a few times and she slowly got braver and braver and now she doesn't want to hold my hand anymore.  She says "I want to skate by myself" :).  It really makes me happy to see her getting braver at things and really try hard to do what other kids around her are doing.  She reminds me of myself when I was little and I would try so hard to do anything my brothers were doing.  She sometimes watches the kids for a while but then when noone is watching she will try and try and not give up until she gets it and that's what I love about her.  It can be hard sometimes when I want to show her how to do something and she won't let me because if she can't do it by herself she doesn't want to do it.  But in the end, it doesn't matter at all what sports she masters or knows how to do.  What matters is if I am there to encourage her and cheer her on and to show her how proud I am of her.

trying to play hockey with Kade :)

Kason is not liking the skates that much but they are a bit small.  We'll wait for next year to really work on it.

Valentine's Day

Ehren and I don't usually do anything special for valentine's day and that's just fine but somehow over the last few years I really try to make it a fun day for the kids.  They get so excited about making valentines for everyone and having a party at school and home.  We worked hard on valentines a few days before.  Emily, Ani and Kason loved making new hearts for everyone they love.  Since we've had daycare kids at our house we have done a little Valentine's party instead of our usual snack time and it's usually a big hit with all the kids so we couldn't skip it this year.  We had peanut butter jelly sandwiches shaped like hearts, fruit, sparkling juice and some treats.  And oh my for the treats!  I did not realize how much crap kids bring home from school on Valentine's Day because all the classmates give some candy to everyone.  It is going to last them a long time unless I throw some in the garbage :).  It was just a really nice day.  We had our playgroup friends come in the morning and for lunch and it's always fun visiting with them.  Then Ehren's mom came to see the kids during our Valentine's snack and after Ehren got home we went to visit his great aunt Judith at the nursing home. She was really happy to see us and the kids.  She is getting weaker and more fragile every time we see her but she always has a smile on her face and is delighted to talk to us and see what's new with us.

So it was a fun day for sure.  I was also dead tired by 8:30pm :) but it was so worth it.  It is really strange but both Ehren and I have been feeling such peace in our home lately.  We just feel blessed beyond words and feel like we don't deserve it.  I am a true pessimist and part of me is waiting for something bad to happen which I know sounds terrible but it's how I'm wired.  So I try to savor these moments and really enjoy the blessings from God.  Our 3 beautiful, smart and healthy kids, our awesome house, Ehren's job and his recent promotion to a supervisor, our health, and everything else that we don't deserve.  With all the suffering, financial and health-wise, broken homes we see all around us I feel a bit guilty for being so blessed.  And I just hope Ehren and I can be good stewards of it all, be God's hands and feet where we are and not just live our safe little life with our family.  It is so easy to just focus on our family and making sure we're there for each other and are taken care of when there are people all around us that are hurting and have no one that's there for them.  And in the big scheme of things, our little lives are so insignificant which really helps me see what is important in this short life we have here.  Have a blessed day wherever you are!

And in the light of Valentine's Day I have to end with a little thought about my Kason.  He has always been a little bit of a mommy's boy, liked to cuddle with me and sleep right next to me as a baby.  But recently, he is becoming very affectionate with me and it is the cutest thing.  He hugs me at least 20 times a day, kisses me on the cheek and tells me :"I love you mommy" or sometimes "lubim ta" in Slovak.  I try to cherish every one of those moments because with Kade I see how quickly they grow up and are a lot less eager to hugs and kisses.  I am also a very non-affectionate person as Ehren would tell you :) but with Kason, we have a special bond that way and I still hold him in my arms a few times a day.  And I love it.  Party it could be that he's my baby, he's our last one and I am holding on to him as long as I can. :)  But I will always treasure the way he tells me he loves me over and over every day. :)

working hard on the puffy hearts

bean heart with a magnet to put on the fridge

pbj hearts

cake treats I made

nana handing out her Valentine cards

  

"tragedy" turns into a fun evening

Kade has been playing basketball this past winter.  At first he didn't want to sign up so I really encouraged him to do it because after all, through the whole winter that is the only sport he can do at school.  Hockey is huge here and I know he'd be good at it, but we decided to not even start going down that road as we see some "hockey families" and how from November until March their life is all about hockey and we don't want that for our family.  So anyway, Kade has been having fun this winter with basketball and getting a little better than last year.  After the regular season is over they have so called "traveling teams" that continue practicing twice a week and then have some tournaments against other towns.  Somehow I assumed only the 4th graders and up get in the traveling teams until a friend of mine goes: "Congratulations, I saw Kade made the traveling team".  I was glad she told me because I would have no idea and Kade would probably end up getting bumped from the team.  Honestly, I thought even if there was a traveling team Kade wouldn't get picked because there were so many boys in basketball and they only picked 10.  But I guess he was good enough and he was so excited about it.  I'm just glad he gets to practice more so he will be able to get better.  They have 2 hour-and-a-half long practices every week which is great.  And since he's only in 3rd grade they only play in one tournament along with 4 other towns which I love because we don't have to spend many Saturdays traveling to different tournaments like the older grades do.

Anyway, that is my intro to our story last night.  Right around 5pm as the daycare kids were about to leave for home we had an accident.  The boys were downstairs in the basement, being boys and being a bit wild.  They like to go as fast as they can on little scooters and things and I'm surprised nothing ever happened.  Until last night.  All of a sudden I just hear a big cry from Kade, him holding his head and running upstairs.  Something about Kason running into his head with the bicycle while Kade was looking the other way.  My first reaction was he's being a little drama queen so I made him lie down for a bit.  He calmed down and came back to the kitchen saying his head really hurt so I had him put some frozen vegetable bag on it.  As he's doing it he noticed there's blood on it and right away I felt terrible for not checking it right away.  It was a tiny cut on the back of his head but it was bleeding pretty good.  We washed it and he held something on it and I thought it would be fine, but little while later it was bleeding again.  And so, I told him he had to miss the basketball practice that night because if he hit it again it might bleed even more.  And he started really crying then because he really didn't want to miss the basketball.  I was planning on taking Kason and Ani to the library after I dropped Kade off so I asked him if he wanted to come with us to the library.  Kade was quiet and then he goes in all seriousness: "But what if a book falls on my head?" :)  I had to laugh out loud at his comment which he did not appreciate but I told him he was just funny and I wasn't laughing at him.

But he was still upset about not going to basketball so I got an idea to cheer him up.  He got a Dairy Queen (ice cream place) certificate from someone a long time ago that he's been wanting to use and there was never a good time to go but I thought that would really cheer him up right now.  Ehren was working late so I let him know to come and meet us at DQ after we're done at the library.  And so we had our little family ice cream time together and it was great.  Even though as we sat down I told Ehren we must be crazy for going out for ice cream when it's like 10 below F but that is what people in Northern MN do I guess.  I don't even like ice cream that much so that is definitely not a treat for me, but seeing the kids get all excited to go to DQ was fun.  It doesn't take much sometime to make memories for the kids and they remember those times so well when we took the time to do something special for them.  I'm so glad I thought of it because seems like in our busyness we don't have enough of those times when it's just our family spending time together.  And it worked out great too because it was our "Tuesday family night" which we were going to move to Thursday because of Kade's basketball but it turned out we had a great family Tuesday after all.  And none of it would happen if Kade didn't get hurt. :)

warm winter

Winter is here and we've been having warmer weather than ever.  There were only a few really cold days but then the temps come back up which is so nice and we've been trying to enjoy it as much as we can.  I love this weather (around freezing) for running outside, but I haven't been able to go at all because early in the morning or after dinner it's too dark for me to go.  I wish I could take a lunch break and just go run outside for a bit.  

This last weekend we went to Ingrid's house to celebrate Clare's 4th birthday and we had a good time.  The cousins have so much fun when they get together, they're really cute.  After the cake and presents we headed across the street for some sledding.  Even though there wasn't a ton of snow, it worked great and their little but steep hill was a bit faster than what we're used to from TRF. :)  So Anika was really scared to go down and Kason had a couple bad wipe-outs which he did not like at all.  Towards the end we were finally able to get Ani to go down a few times and she did enjoy it.  Kade was trying to stand on his sled as if snowboarding which makes me think he would enjoy skiing or snowboarding.  It's too bad we're so far from the real mountains but I plan to take him at least to our tiny ski area.  Even that costs a lot of money and if all of us wanted to go skiing there we'd pay about $130 for one day.  I don't want to know how much we'd pay at a nice ski area in the mountains.  Even so, skiing is such a great sport and I hope to at least introduce our kids to it a little.  I've been discovering cross country skiing now since we live on the flattest land there is and I really enjoy it.  Sadly, we haven't had enough snow for me to go yet around our house so I hope it will still turn around and I'll be able to ski some on weekends.  Last year I finally bought all the equipment I need for it so I've been anxiously waiting for some good snow fall to get out there.  But, I am not too pessimistic about this winter yet because our winters and snow usually last until April so it has to come sometime. :)  It is funny how in Slovakia and many places in Europe right now have very cold temperatures and more snow than usual because it's like they stole it from us.  We're the ones always too cold with too much snow but I'm not complaining one bit. :)

Here's a few pictures and videos from this last week.  One video shows Kason crashing and even though it doesn't look very bad, he had a good scratch on his face from it. 

by our house - we had a few days of a lot of fog so we would
wake up to frost all over the trees.

all the cousins

Clare is 4!

singing "happy birthday"

Kason would pick up his sled and walk up the hill all by himself - so nice for the parents :)

    

he had a blast, except for when he crashed a couple times

33

One year older today.  It is funny how after 30, the years just kind of blend together.  When I'm asked how old I am I usually have to think for a minute "is it 31 or 32?"  I usually have to think of how old Ehren is and then I figure out my age :).  I know, you'd think I would go by the year I was born.  But really, the number of years don't matter to me much. Yet :).  It is interesting to see how now I'm one of the older people in groups when not that many years ago I was one of the youngest.  Now there is a new generation coming after ours and it is just different.  I probably have a very limited view of age groups, living in a small town and all, but I am pretty surprised at how different the younger or the so called "millennium" generation is.  I looked it up and it's funny that by my birth year I actually still belong to millenniums because I feel so much older than they are.  Or at least see life so differently than they do.  And again, it is from my very narrowed view of that generation that I come across daily.  First, I have to say this generation does not know what commitment means.  Whether it is commitment to jobs, church groups, friends, spouses, it is just sad how little that word means to most of the young generation.  I feel old in my attitude that when I sign up to do something or say I will be part of something I actually follow through and do what I committed to.  It also seems like younger and younger people keep having the attitude that they're entitled to everything they see around them.  They want a beautiful house before they even get married which took their parents years and years to get, brand new vehicles, big screen tvs, video games, and whatever anyone else is having around them.  And they can't wait, they have to have it now.  I'm a bit worried about our kids and what kind of life they will be getting into in their young adulthood.  I overheard someone telling a friend about his teenage kids:  "You know, it is really hard getting Christmas presents because all our kids want is stuff that's expensive like iphone, camera, laptop, ipad, etc."  And a lot of people actually do that, they max out their credit cards to make their kids happy.  Part of me thinks that pretty much starts up their attitude of getting whatever, right now.  But I sure hope I'm wrong.  I hope there are still sensible young people out there and kids that want to follow God more than anything else.  I guess all we can do is teach our own kids values from the Bible, even though Kade sometimes thinks it gives him the right to "correct" his friends' behavior.  On one hand I want to shush him and tell him to talk in love, but on the other hand I am tired of people in the US tip toeing around every politically incorrect area.  Someone needs to be the one spreading the truth, even if it's hard to hear.  And really, most people don't want to hear it.  Even I have a hard time with it because I hate any kind of conflict but then I'm always glad when someone else speaks up.  We need to be bolder and I hope the new generations will bring that because they will need to be bold, even bolder than we have to be at this time.

Well, that is enough of blabbing about how the world is ending. :)  Kason and Ani asked me if I was going to have a party for my birthday because that is the most import thing to them about anyone's birthday.  I told them there's no party, but we may have a yummy treat to kind of celebrate. :)  There are a few restaurants near us that give you free food on your birthday, but sadly I will have to do that on March 2nd since all my IDs say that is my birthday.  Oh well, at least I have 2 birthdays for a while.

My dad wrote a very nice e-mail to me for my birthday and it made me think about how I was just 16 when I first came to the States for a year.  I see that so differently now that I am a mom.  I think I'd be terrified to let any of our kids go so far at only 16.  But they did, they trusted me and God that I would be safe.  Only 4 years later they had to let me go again, their only daughter, and this time for good and again they trusted God.  It makes me cry when I think about it because in a way, you are losing your child.  Not only to a son-in-law but also to a country that is thousands of miles away.  And when I think that Kade will be 16 in just 8 short years, it scares me to think that he would leave.  And he might.  I joke sometimes that God will bring it upon me and one of my kids will leave me for a Slovak spouse (or something like that) because that's what I did to my parents. :)  And I pray I would have the strength they had to let me go.  They were so supportive and so great with letting me make my own decisions even though it was pulling their hearts apart and still does in many ways.  And it is something that will always be painful for me too, to be away from my family and country, no matter how many years will pass.  But I guess, it's just making the most of where I am at, where God led me.  To be available and willing and when I do, my own selfish desires seem so minor and so unimportant in the Big scheme of things.