It is finished...

My very last day of daycare was yesterday and I still can't believe it's happening.  No more baby gear around the house, no more diapers, wet wipes and toys I'd rather throw away.  And no more figuring out what to buy for all those snacks during the week, lunches and never ending dishes that go with it. :)

I really thought I'd be more sad when the day came and I was a bit sad to say good bye to Carson who I probably won't see again but mostly, I felt a relief.  This year has gone so slow, especially the summer with all the kids here so the excitement of being done was way bigger than the sadness I felt.  And a lot of it has to do with the fact that out of all the kids I watched I'm the closest to my 2 nieces and since they are basically our neighbors we will see them any time we want.  And I am very glad for that because our kids love playing with Emily and Aveah, especially Anika misses Emily after just not seeing her for a day.

So today I woke up and went straight to Anika's room where most of the play time occurs and organized all the toys and everything.  I got 2 garbage bags full of toys to throw away because I don't think anyone would want them even if I gave them away for free.  Then there are some nice wooden toys/puzzles that our kids have outgrown and I stored those.  Now I feel like I can breath in that room even though it was always picked up.  I went through some of the stuff in the boys room too but there is still a lot to store away so I'll have to get to that soon.  We also cleaned up the basement better and slowly we're getting our house back to just our family and not like we have 10 children living here. :)

School is about to start and I'm really looking forward to having more structure to our days again.  I pray that Kason and Anika don't cry the first few days but we'll see.  I know Kason will have a hard time being in school every day until 3pm, it gets to be a very long day for a 5 year old.  But I'm excited I'll be able to drive the kids to school so they don't have to get up so early to catch the bus and most days I'll pick them up too which will give us more time at home before bed time.  I'm hoping to volunteer in Ani's and Kason's classrooms too so I can see how their day goes and see how it's done before I have to sub.  With that, most of the time you have no idea you have to work until about 7:30 in the morning when the phone rings and they tell me I have to go to this school and sub for this teacher.  So it will be interesting and I just hope most of the time the teachers will leave good instructions for me.  I'm getting very nervous about it, especially going to High School where the kids seem so huge. :) I know I have to put a game face on and pretend I know the stuff they're doing but kind of hoping they'll give me a password to get online so I can google what I don't know. :)

So, it has been really great 4 and a half years or so that I did daycare.  Our kids loved having little buddies and they never complained about sharing their toys and things with them.  There were some hard times too, like when I had to take care of 2 babies while having 1 toddler and 3 preschoolers and those months were just a haze to me but I really can't complain.  I am thankful for the families I had because they were all very nice and their kids were great to take care of.  So, it's time to move on and I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me personally, finding out what I should focus my time and energy on and almost rediscover myself again.

Some of my favorite recent and old pictures:

last day of daycare treat

  

and he's 10...

Where did the time go?  When you say 10 years old, it is a big kid and it just doesn't seem real we have one of those. :)  Kade has been waiting a long time for this since all his buddies have birthdays before his.  He's been wanting to play football and soccer with his friends for his birthday but as the day came closer we knew we would have to do it in the water because of the heat.  Let me tell you, living here we're not used to heat waves at the end of August. :)  And even though I've been trying my best to not say anything negative about the weather because like everyone I know all too well what is coming (the never ending winter weather) this week the heat is just draining all the energy and motivation out of me.  I keep checking the forecast and I can't wait for it to go down to 70 in a few days.

So Kade had 6 friends over and they had a lot of fun for the most part.  Kade has been very much into sleepovers this summer so he had to have them stay overnight. :)  I thought we can deal with one bad night this one time but it's probably the last party with a sleepover.  Of course half of them didn't want to sleep and did all they could to keep the other half up.  For a while they played musical beds, downstairs, upstairs and finally after 1am they were quiet but not for too long because they were back to playing kick ball at 6:30am, in the house. :)  Kade is in the stage where he loves getting together with his friends and if there is one day for us to be home and relax together you can be sure he'll ask who can come over or whose house can he go to.  I'm expecting it will only get worse as he's getting closer to teenage years so I'm trying to enjoy the time we still have with him.  I see a lot of myself in him, he is an extrovert where he gets energized being around friends but he's not the loud outspoken person like you expect extroverts to be. 

And this past year it is becoming very clear to me we have a tween at home.  It is so different and so challenging at times.  Some days me and him just clash mostly because he's becoming so independent and thinks he knows best so we're trying to work on respect and obeying.  Sometime I miss the days when he was a toddler or a preschooler because he was so compliant and listened from a very young age, always at the first warning .  A complete opposite from his brother Kason who has kept us on our toes from the beginning. :)  But it is interesting how the closer to puberty they get that childlike innocence and obeying goes out the window and the outbursts and emotions can take them over.  I got a book for Kade for his birthday - "so you're about to be a teenager" by Dennis Rainey and I hope to read it with him.  I've heard a lot of good reviews on it and in the midst of all the stuff coming at the kids from the media, school, peers I hope Kade is able to see the path God has for him.   

Kade's cousin Emily had some kittens on their farm about 2 months ago and Kade has been asking and asking to keep one.  I told him he needs to ask dad and dad said no, we already have a cat.  At first he was bummed but then he accepted it and stopped asking for it while at the same time I told Ehren maybe we should let him take care of his own kitten because after our other one is dead Kade will probably be in college.  He agreed and we schemed a surprise where he opened his present of kitten food.  He didn't say anything for a while because he didn't want to assume he's getting it but when he saw the kitten he smiled from ear to ear. :)  All the kids have been loving the kitten today and I'm glad she's ok with being carried around and held a lot.




So it was a good birthday celebration.  I feel like it marks a new chapter in our life where Kade is not so little anymore and it will bring a lot of new challenges with it as well as joys of watching him mature and figuring out who he is and who he can be.

two more weeks...

Two more weeks!  "I can do it, I can do it" is what I keep telling myself these days.  Honestly, the kids are driving me crazy, seems like every summer right about now.  It's not so much having extra kids I watch as it is my own kids.  Kade and Kason clash quite a bit on a daily basis but now that we're home all the time it is even more so and sometimes I feel like I'm just separating them or resolving issues.  I know that the biggest part of it is this forever long break from school.  I don't know who decided that 3 months off of school is a good idea, especially since they don't seem to be doing much during the school year either.  Kids need structure, they need to be learning or else they get bored and sooner or later they get into smaller or bigger trouble.  Even though the kids are outside a lot every day, they still need structure after such a long time of nothing on the schedule.  So, more than anything right now, I am craving getting into our routine of school, homework, church, sports, and so on.  

Originally I thought I'd have at least a couple of weeks now without the daycare kids but that didn't happen so I think it is also adding to me losing my sanity.  I just can't say to them they can't bring their kids since 3 families don't have anyone lined up until September.  I also feel like I need to stick with it until the end since I'm going into an unknown period as far as being called in to sub and getting paid.  So, 2 more weeks and then I'll be free. :)  Free to have my mornings and early evenings with my kids, to not have to stress about meals every night, it will be beautiful. 

Another thing that I am really excited about is that Kade is old enough now to watch Kason and Anika for a little while, if I need to run errands, have an appointment and stuff.  It is so freeing when the kids get to this age because it's not easy to always find someone to watch them or juggling it between me and Ehren only.  So, despite the negative of kids growing up like the outbursts and hormones acting up (yes, already at 10 years old!) I still love the extra freedom it brings with it and how it allows us to have fun family outings and trips.  And the kids don't cry after an hour in the car anymore! :)  So many little things you forget.  When you're in the middle of it, you don't know any better and just deal with it but once you're passed that it is so hard to think about going back to babies.  It also just occurred to me recently that it's not just my kids getting older, it's me too. :)  There are a lot of new moms joining our mom's group and as I looked around the last time I realized how different my life is now from theirs when it seems like just yesterday when I was there having toddlers and preschoolers and running after them like crazy whenever we'd be out and about. :)  So life changes and it changes faster than I realize.  I just hope I am able to hold tight to these moments I have now with our kids, when they still listen and want to listen and cherish them because before I know it they'll be graduating.

biking day

Today was a great day.  We had a nice family time away in the Itasca state park that's nearby.  We talked for a while about taking kids there to go biking and today we finally did it before the summer is over.  We knew the area is hilly, but oh my goodness those hills are crazy for little kids to try to bike up and down on.  Poor Kason on his little bike tried hard but pretty soon when at each corner there was a new hill waiting for him to conquer he got discouraged pretty quickly and decided he'd rather walk up the hills.  It was a bit stressful at times too since Kason hasn't done much bike path riding at all and has no concept of staying on the right side or even any hills at all.  We are fortunate to live on the top of a pancake and so never have to worry about hills when running or biking. :)  And it is the reason why I about had a heart attack watching Kason zoom down those steep hills.  He wasn't worried at all but I'm sure everyone that met us could tell I am as I was yelling "Brake, Kason. Brake!" "Get on the right side, Kason!  Watch the road, don't look at me!" and so on :)  I have to admit it was very stressful watching his little bike wiggle from side to side as he was going downhill full speed.  He loved that part of the biking, but going up the hills not so much. But we made it to the end of the path and even though we originally thought we would make it back the same way, both Ehren and I were terrified at the thought of Kason walking up every hill on the way back and so Ehren stayed at the play ground with the kids while I biked back and drove the van to them.  I am so glad we decided to do that because I haven't had that much fun in a long time.  I was going faaaast and loving it. :) Well, of course there was an old man biker who zoomed by me on a big hill like nothing but for the shape I'm in right now, I was going fast. :)  And just not having to worry about any child falling and braking a leg or something worse was so nice and I fully enjoyed it.  I told Ehren next time we need to drop the kids off somewhere and go bike there just the two of us. :)  Now I'm sore but I love being sore and need it badly right now.  I was going to take some pictures of the biking but somehow it didn't happen.  I at least got some of the kids at the Headwaters and Bemidji.  It was a beautiful afternoon so we spent some time in Bemidji which we always enjoy.

Heaven...

Kason is in that age when he loves talking about Heaven, about seeing God and Jesus and then of course about dying and stuff. :)  We had a nice fire going tonight, since we've been having a very Fall kind of weather lately.  Somehow it started Kason thinking about hell and probably for the first time he really felt convicted and worried he'd be with the people burning in hell.  We talk about having Jesus in our hearts and asking Him to be our Savior but I always disliked people almost pushing it onto the kids.  I haven't met one young child yet that would be like "oh no, I don't care if I end up in hell.  I don't need Jesus."  And so, with our kids, I really want it to be something they bring up, something they feel very strongly about.  With Kade, he was still little, about 4 years old and for some reason he started thinking about death a lot and what will happen after he dies and that was it, he really wanted Jesus so that he would be sure that's where he's going to be.

With Kason I've been waiting for him to bring it up and recently he has put a lot of thought into it so I tonight after he brought it up by the fire I asked him if he'd like to ask Jesus into his heart.  It was so touching to watch a child-like faith.  He cried as he prayed about his sins and when we were done he jumped up and said "I can't wait to see Jesus!"  It made me smile and I told him that Jesus is not the only one excited, that the angels are singing and having a party all because Kason is going to be in Heaven one day.  He couldn't believe it and got even more excited about that. :)  I love how honest children are and how big their faith can be.

I talk about this off and on with Anika too but she's ever so compliant to everything and I'm almost afraid to ask her to do what Kade and Kason have done because it feels as though she would just do it for me and she probably already said yes to it but I'm not sure it came from her.  And so I'll wait until she asks me, until she realizes she wants this for herself and it is something that she decided on her own.

I know that our kids have a long road ahead of them, a lot of ups and downs and it almost seems to me that a person has to make a decision to follow Christ over and over at each stage of his life.  To recommit his life to Him and get back on track. We have not been very good about our devotion times lately and I've been feeling bad about that.  So I'm very thankful to God that He stirs the hearts of our kids even if we are lagging.  I pray that we can be the parents He created us to be, to encourage, guide and pray as our kids grow. 

We read our old kids book about Heaven tonight.  Kason and Ani both love imagining what it will be like there as we read it.  The angels sang praises there today and the thought of it makes my heart smile.  We are not home yet and have no idea just how awesome it will be once we get there. :)