I got a writer's block. :) There is the time factor too but also, I'm in a bit of a haze lately and like I'm not all there. :) I blame the Minnesotan winter, even though our weather has been so much milder than usual. I keep trying to pin point one thing that is the reason for my weird state but I don't know what it is. And maybe it's normal to feel like the days are blending together and to feel like a robot going thru motions and tasks of the day. That's what it feels like on most days, with a few glimpses of smiles, laughter, surprises and fun. But I decided to write something, anything and see if it helps in any way.
I am transitioning into a full-time job at work and I have a phone interview tomorrow for that. Even though I already work there, I have to go thru the whole hiring process all over again so I hope I don't mess it up tomorrow. :) I'm already doing everything I'll be doing in my job so about the only thing that will change are my hours and I really hope I can manage that ok. I will officially start working for a new financial advisor Vanessa who started at the same time as I did. She's been working at our office so I've been able to get to know her and she's really nice and easy to get along with. In about a year and a half she will have to move away from this office and find her own building and I will most likely go with her. It will be ok, but I already know I'll miss Kim, the other assistant I work with. She is a huge help to me if there's anything I haven't seen done before and most of all what's nice is that we can share some of the work load, cover for each other when we're gone and that will all be gone when I'm all alone in the office with Vanessa. But thankfully it's still a ways out so I don't have to think about it. It's been a very nice experience for me so far, even though the work has been so much busier since Christmas and we're never caught up with anything anymore. So some days are a bit stressful, especially when the phone is ringing off the hook and I'm trying to get things done. But I still enjoy it and would much rather be too busy than bored out of my mind. And having 4 people in the office is so wonderful! There's no fighting and politics and drama. :)
Speaking of drama, I am getting more and more aware of Kade growing up and having to have the hard conversations about girls and stuff. I think he's inherited Ehren's easy going character when he's around his friends and he has no problem talking to girls whatsoever. I thought for sure he would not talk to girls much until highschool but here we are and he already bought a girl a Valentine's gift ( a stuffed animal and some candy). We talked about it before because I'm not one to encourage any kind of relationships, dating and stuff so I had to be sure he knew this didn't mean that they are dating now or anything like that. And he said " I know mom, not until I have my driver's license." :) Umm, I don't think so! Anyway, it was a bit of a drama because Kade told another girl who's just a friend that he bought a gift for this particular girl. Well, she found out and a couple days before Valentine's she told Kade they're only friends and she doesn't want the gift. So that didn't last very long and Kade told me he talked to his buddy and they're not going there anymore, it's too much drama. :) I am glad he talks to us a little bit about this stuff but it's still scary to think we have to just lead him and trust that he makes the right decisions when we're not there. He made sure he found out she was a Christian first so I guess that's something.
Kade has been working hard at getting his grades up and everything which is great to see. He didn't make it to the basketball traveling team again this year which was a huge disappointment to him but at least this time I got an answer from one of the coaches. I'm not sure it's good or bad, he didn't get picked because he was too short. So having good basketball skills, being able to score points in a game and being fast has nothing to do with it I guess. It was really hard for me at first because of how hard Kade worked and how much he has improved this year but now you just want to laugh at them because it's like that in every sport in our town and if you don't have the right connections you never make it. Luckily, Kade got over it too and still plays basketball with his buddies on Sundays. He also just signed up for track even though he didn't want to at first but I kept telling him how much it can help him for all the other sports he's in. So I hope he likes it even if it's not a team sport.
Other than that, I still feel like I'm trying to get used to working outside of home and not being home when the kids are done with school. Evenings go by way too quickly for us and what I probably hate most about it is that there's usually not enough time to make a decent dinner. So we don't have a good cooked meal every night which is very hard for me. I have a lot of friends who work and have no problem eating junk food or sandwiches every night but for some reason I don't like letting go of it. And I know if I planned a little more and prepared some of the meals over the weekend it would work for the week but weekends are so sacred to me and I don't want to spend half a day in the kitchen. So right now it's about finding balance in life, juggling work, school, homework, sports, church activities, friends, and so on. We talked about different stages of life in our adult Sunday school this morning and it made me think how we are in the stage of life where we are so busy with everything and it makes it really hard to connect with friends on regular bases. I am so glad we have our small group in our life because it is probably the only thing that helps us stay connected and grow together with other couples.
All in all, I really feel that whatever discomfort or busyness or any negative or "hard" things we're going thru it is Nothing in comparison to the suffering world around us, people who lose their loved ones, Christians beheaded for no reason, cancer in the family. So I really feel like I have no right to complain about anything because I have so much right now. I have so much more than I deserve, so much more than I need. It's up to me to do something with it and not waste it.
