a teenage moment

Funny how kids' problems can get so much bigger the bigger they get.  They have their own mind, thinking they know everything best and many times they don't like their parents very much.  As fun as it is watching them grow, it's also getting harder to parent them, to be wise about what to say and how to deal with situations.

Today I got a bit of a glimpse of what it will feel like having pre teens or teenagers.  Kade came home with another birthday invitation after he just went to one of his very good friends a couple weeks ago.  I wasn't going to say anything, after all he doesn't have that many friends that invite him to a birthday party but then he says "and it is a sleepover".  Right away I am asking who the boy is and since I never met him or his parents I am explaining to Kade why there's no way he can have a sleepover there, but he can wait for dad to come home to talk about it.  Kade kept telling me how this boy is very nice, always plays nice with him and stuff but I said to just wait for dad to come home and that I don't like it at all.  I think in a way he thought dad would let him go, but right away Ehren's words were "I am with mom on this" to which Kade had a little bit of a teenager reaction.  He just burst into tears, half yelling half crying, having a bit of a melt down saying "why can't I go?".  I explained to him he can still go to the birthday party, but we'll pick him up at bedtime.  This was during our dinner so he pretty much moped and cried the whole time, during which I told him we probably need a new rule in our family, that if we don't know someone's parents our kids can't sleep over at their house.  Of course Kade was crying that he's going to be the only one who doesn't stay for a sleepover and so on.  For a moment I felt bad, I know how much friendships mean to Kade and to feel included on things but as a parent I have to make choices that are not so nice sometime.  I am a parent, not Kade's best friend and it's ok for him to not like me at times.  Because it happens to every parent unless they just let their kids do whatever they want.  And I also think we're living in a little different age now with so many horror stories all around us that make us parents want to protect our kids from the outside dangers.  I get it you can't protect them from everything and everyone but if I am able to, I will do what I can.  I have to say though, I was really surprised that Kade's little pouting didn't last long at all and by the time our dinner was done he was back to his self.  He reacted, processed it and understood that he's not going to win on this and let it go.  It just shows how it's good to stick to your decision even if they have a "tantrum" because they get over it sooner than we think and most of all they love having parents that give them boundaries and rules to follow.  I asked Kade later if he still wanted to go to the party since he can't sleep there (partly wishing he would say no :)) but he said he did so we'll see how it goes and when it's time to go home, I am sure he'll be upset over again because other boys get to stay there.      

I am glad we didn't give in this time because it is just one of many many things that will come up as he gets older.  All the things his friends get to do and he doesn't, but he's just fine.  He gets over it and forgets all about it.  And I am positive he'll grow up to be stronger because he was told no at times when it mattered.  And I'm not saying Ehren and I will always be on top of those things that matter most, or that we're so good at this - not at all, but we have to keep going and have to follow what we believe because everywhere around us people are letting things go, little by little and soon we don't even know who and what is the center of our homes.  I pray God gives us wisdom to do the right thing in the situations that will come up in the future because there will be too many to count.