the cold and the disappointment

Well, we are having another windshield advisory day today, with temperatures so low the school is cancelled again.  We've had more snow days this year than we've ever had and it feels like the kids are barely learning anything.  Today I am wishing I had the teachers' lesson plans so I could do it at home with the kids.  They're saying the kids will have to make up days they missed in June, but really that will not help them with learning because by then they're not tackling any new lessons or anything.  So I need to find my own work sheets and ideas for them to do.  Mostly, we all just want it to get warmer so we can be outside, not to mention so we don't have to put all our extra money towards heating.  It is getting pretty bad for some people because there is shortage of propane, the prices are way up and just yesterday they were telling people to use the minimum of the natural gas because there was an explosion in Canada and now they don't have enough gas for everyone.  So a really fun winter for everyone. :)

Kade's basketball got done this weekend.  That was the regular season and they were going to announce the "traveling" team yesterday which is a big deal because you get to have more practices and games until March.  It just blows my mind that they have 13 boys on the team and they cut 3 of them out so they only have 10 for the traveling team when they could easily just take turns playing the game.  But despite that, Kade was doing so well this year.  Yes, he's one of the shortest kids but he's fast and athletic and at least 5 boys were evidently worse players than him and several boys are about the same as him.  So he was so excited about having a chance of being in the traveling team and I was excited for him because last year they didn't pick him.  So the time came when they announced it on the web site and I could not believe my eyes.  Kade was eliminated again!  I was so upset, way more than Kade actually. :)  I just could not understand and still can't how the coaches can be that unfair.  Anyone that has eyes and watched those boys play a game could see that Kade belonged in the team.  I have no words.  This basketball group is made of volunteer coaches which are the dads of the kids in basketball and pretty much if your dad is not a coach or are not good friends with the coach, your chances of getting into a team are very slim.  And that is so sad and makes me really angry at the same time.  But, there's nothing we can do.  I let the coach and the main person know about how I felt at least and he did not deny that it wasn't fair so they know it too and don't care.  My heart just breaks for Kade who tried so hard and could see he's better than those boys yet he didn't make it.  How do you explain it to a 10 year old?  Life is not fair and never will and I'm just praying that this is a good lesson for him to learn.  In the end, I really hope he never quits trying.  I hope he keeps fighting for what he loves doing and for what he believes in.  Even if nobody out there believes in him.

a tough group

Well, I had my first disaster kind of day of subbing.  I was actually really looking forward to subbing yesterday because it's been a while and it was going to be 1st grade which I love.  Or I thought I did. :)  The 2 classes of 1st graders I've came to contact with were so nice and respectful so I didn't think the class I was getting would be a complete 180 turn.  I was so upset and frustrated last night I couldn't even write about it. :) 
   The teacher left pretty good notes for me and at the end she wrote to not be afraid to get after the kids and send them to the principal because they are a wild group.  Little did I know just how wild they would be.  I know I am still very new to this and haven't experienced that many classes but this whole year I have never seen a worse class yet.  All the Kindergarten classes I had, even the challenging one, were a piece of cake in comparison.
    The day started ok and we read the message from their teacher including how they need to be respectful to a guest teacher but just minutes later I knew that was not going to happen.  Another teacher came into the room about that time too and was telling the kids to be on their best behavior for me and at the end of the day I was really wishing she would come back. :) 
    I guess it always comes down to those few kids that somehow manage to disrupt the whole class and any activity you're trying to do.  In this class there were about 5 kids that were constantly running around, yelling and screaming, at some point even fighting, coming up with all kinds of excuses to leave the room and so on.  In my mind I just kept thinking how I would love to give them all a good hand spanking with a ruler like in the good old days.  And as I tried to deal with one or two of them, the rest of the class would just get louder and louder until I had to yell at them to be heard.  I know I don't have enough tricks up my sleeve for dealing with a class like that but that was the last thing I was expecting from 1st grade.  At one point I told a boy he has 3 seconds to go back to his spot or go to the principal and he just shrugged his shoulders and said he doesn't care and wanted to go to the principal.  So a few kids did but it didn't even seem to matter because after they came back we were right back at the yelling and refusing to do any work at all.  There was also a girl who teacher mentioned for having problems with and at first she was ok until she tried to run away from the room so she can play in the bathroom, or just run around the room and yelling random things, at some points screaming on top of her lungs and there was no convincing her to get her Math worksheet done.  I was so embarrassed and pretty much ran out of ideas to control the room.  During the lunch break I saw some other 1st grade teachers and they just said "yes, that is a tough group" and inside I wanted to scream "you have no idea!" :)  I just have never seen such a disrespectful class to each other and to adults.
    There were a few quiet moments in the day.  When I was reading stories to them, 90% of the class was quiet and listening and just that felt really great so whenever we had a few minutes I would pull out another book to read.  I felt really bad for the few kids in the class that were very bright, paid attention and could learn so much more if it wasn't for the constant disciplining I had to do with the other kids.  This class also loved using the ipads and since it was inside recess I told them they can have them but if I hear anyone talking or being loud, their ipad will be taken away.  So that worked for a while, too bad we couldn't do our lessons on them. :)  I was pretty nervous when it was time to go to gym because I had no idea how this class would act in the hallway.  So I laid down the law.  I had them line up and said if they do not walk quietly in the hallway we will walk to the gym and walk right back to our room. :) They did not like the sound of that because they all love gym but I was glad it worked for that little bit at least.  But of course they came back wild as ever and we were back at the beginning.
      Needless to say, I felt really discouraged after the day was over and also relieved.  Kind of makes you feel like a loser who can't control the kids.  I know it's hard when it's the first time with that group and when I don't know what their teacher does as far as rewards/discipline but it still feels like a defeat in a way.  I'm going back today to sub for a music teacher and I'm looking forward to it because I only spend 50 minutes with each class.  A lot less drama and behavior issues and we can play games which they all really enjoy.     

 

warmer weather

colored balloons we did the other day

Well, I got my wish and got a few days in a row of VERY warm temperatures, at least for this tundra in January (not a hint of bitterness there :)).  I haven't subbed this whole week which seemed very strange after being called in so much before the school break.  It is funny how as a mom you are always questioning if you're doing the right thing as far as working, not working, staying home.  And then even if you make a decision you feel guilty no matter which you choose.  :) Maybe not every woman, but talking to friends, it is a struggle for most of us.  I know that in the long run this is good, but it's hard when we could be saving up a lot of money I'm not earning.  But, I do have quite a few days lined up already to sub in preschool and 1st grade so it will be great getting back to that.

Yesterday was Friday and a really nice day outside and since I was staying home I decided I wasn't going to feel guilty and instead enjoy being outside. :) I met up with a friend and we checked out that new cross country skiing trail in town.  We only did a little part of it because she didn't have that much time, but it felt so good to be in the fresh air and the trail is really cute going thru the woods and by the river.  After that it goes on the river for a while and the whole thing is about 5 miles ending around the golf course.  So it sounds wonderful to go out there for a longer run.  There's a group of skiers that meet on Sunday afternoons so I might check that out too because it's more fun going with someone else.

I got back home and thought what a bummer kids have school on such a nice day.  And the thought occurred to me that I could do at least something with them after school.  So I surprised them and picked them up after school (usually they ride the bus home) and we went ice skating to the town's outside rink.  It was nice and we were the only ones there.  We had a snack in the warming house and then I took them to the trail I skied on earlier.  They really enjoyed the trail but Kason and Anika were getting a bit tired by then and there were some parts that had deeper snow so not the easiest for them to walk in.  But I was so glad I did that with them.  It didn't take that much time and it is so good to do something active together outside.  I'm very grateful to my parents who always took us exploring nature or for walks because it stayed with me and now I can't go too long without it.

Today Kade had a basketball tournament in the morning and we all went to it because it might be one of the last ones this season.  It is sometimes a bit painful watching 5th graders play and I would love to just switch places with them to play it :).  But they're learning a lot and slowly improving.  After that we brought Kade's friend to our house and enjoyed a quiet afternoon at home.  We all went outside for a while, some shoveled, some wrestled in the snow, some ran around and some skied.  Now I'm waiting for the last batch of cookies to come out of the oven and life is good. :)  There's always things that try to crepe into my head and worry me, like that unexpected car repair expense this week but despite it I will give thanks for what I have.  Like the 3 babes drinking hot cocoa next to me right now. :)

little cc skiing behind our house

Enjoying hot cup of tea after shoveling

Christmas

Well, Christmas and New Years is over and we're back into the swing of things.  It was great to be home and not having to go anywhere for a few days.  But somehow it was still plenty busy with family and friends' get togethers and it went by a little too fast for me.  So today I am very thankful for a day at home by myself so I can recharge a bit while kids are at school.

We had a really nice Christmas though.  Our little family celebrated Christmas Eve together which I just love probably because that's what I grew up doing.  We don't leave our presents under a tree before Christmas and it brings so much more excitement to the kids when we come home from the Christmas Eve service and they see all the gifts that angels brought (another thing I grew up with).  It was just a nice family time and before we opened the presents we did something different instead of reading the usual passage that we read at church and other places already.  It was Ehren's surprise for all of us and made our night more special.

Ehren was busy making a little wooden stool while I got the dinner ready and after we ate we went on a "journey" around the house, with the stool.  Kids had no idea what it was for but they were excited to do something different.  It actually did feel like a journey because the snow was almost up to our knees and poor Kason had to jump like a rabbit. :) Anyway, we were pretending to be Mary and Joseph and talking about a long journey to Bethlehem.  We stopped at one point close to our woods and we pretended we were looking at the shepherds with their sheep and then looked at the sky to see where the angels would have appeared.  And we made our way  to the front of the house where our only Christmas lights are - a lit up Mary and Joseph with baby Jesus.  The last couple winters we had a joke going around how Mary and Joseph are always looking for baby Jesus because he was always buried in the snow.  So our big finale was to put the baby Jesus on the new stool Ehren made so he was no longer lost. :)  It was really cute, something different and makes me think of other things like that we can do next Christmas. 

Kason and Anika were really excited to open presents and they both got lego sets which they have been getting more into recently.  Especially Anika was so excited and kept saying over and over how she got the perfect gifts and it is the best Christmas ever!  Kade is getting a bit older and even though he does get excited to open gifts, it's not the same as when he was younger.  He is starting to get to a point when he can't even think of anything he would want when we ask him what he'd like for Christmas.  Mainly it's because he feels bad asking for something that costs too much and he also doesn't feel like he needs anything.  His favorite thing must have been an under armour sweat shirt that I know he's been wanting but didn't ask for it.  It is funny but when you go to Elementary school or Middle school in our town, you'll see kids wearing these everywhere, almost like it's some uniform. I am not about following the crowd with the clothes but Kade only wants to wear sports clothes so I thought I could get him at least one hoodie.  But, I'm not sure if it was a smart thing to get because now I am waiting and waiting for him to take it off.  He's been wearing it every day and I think if he could he would sleep in it too. :)

On Christmas Day we got together with Ehren's family and it was great to be together and have the cousins play and have sleepovers together.  There are 9 Hanson cousins and they are great kids.  It's 6 girls and 3 boys so they are a bit outnumbered but they still have fun.  And we just found out that Kjell and Jess are expecting their 3rd in August so it will be an even 10.  We are very excited for the new baby in the family and our Anika was so excited to hear about it.  For some reason, when my niece Emily found out she was very upset and cried for a long time because she didn't want a baby brother or sister. :)  Our Anika was there shortly after playing and Jessica overheard them talking.  Anika was trying to help Emily feel better so she said "don't worry Emily, sometimes babies die." And Emily said "you're right, they do die sometime" :) I could not believe that even came out of Ani's mouth but I know she didn't mean it in a way that she would wish for it to happen.  I think it was us talking a while back about little babies dying because there was a friend who lost a baby and our kids saw the pictures of the tiny baby.  I think we need to have another conversation about that though.

I have been just waiting and waiting for a warmer day so I could go cross country skiing.  They just groomed a brand new path for skiers in our town so I'm really anxious to go but it will never warm up enough.  We had one day here and there over the last 2 weeks that was ok but we were either doing stuff with the family or I was watching our kids and Emily and Aveah so I couldn't go.  We did at least do a bit of skating (in the indoor arena) and one time we went sledding which was fun, but the kids are really bummed they can't be outside more especially when they had the week off school.  We go through this every winter seems like but this year it started way earlier.  Today Kason was asking when we'll be able to build a snow man.  Poor guy will have to wait until Spring for that I'm afraid. So, we're praying for a warm-up soon so we can enjoy the outdoors more.

little blessings

I had to smile today when I thought of how God is taking care of me even in small things that seem pretty unimportant. Yesterday and today were going to be tough days to sub because I'm having a party at our house tonight and with our crazy weekend of basketball and church concerts I didn't get much done at home. So when Monday came I was really hoping to not get a call to sub.  On the other hand, we can use the money and I hate saying no so I knew no matter what I'd say yes if they called.

And they did, as usual around 7:15am I got a call to sub at the Middle school. An art teacher got sick and didn't leave any notes or anything.  But even though it was a bummer I couldn't use all the cool supplies they have and do some art, it was actually a super low key day.  You can't even compare it to a day at the Elementary school where you are stressed to the max the whole day.  I still prefer the stress :) because that's how I am but really I needed a day of chilling and rest in the middle of a crazy few weeks.  

This morning I got a call again from the Middle school because the same teacher was still sick.  But the secretary assured me there are sub plans in her e-mail inbox that she'll print out for me.  I was actually a bit excited to see what I get to do with the kids, only to find out it was 2 simple drawing sheets and one didn't even work to print.  If I knew that I would have printed something at home we could do.  Oh well, back to an easy day it was.  At least the kids were very good and respectful which helps a lot.  During my lunch break I was able to find another sheet that was harder for the last 3 classes to work on so that was good because they took most of the class with them.  

But it is funny how it all worked out.  Just 5 minutes after I told the Middle school I would sub there, I got a call from the Elementary school asking me to sub.  If the Middle school never called, I'd be way more stressed and tired to get stuff done at home in the evening.  So I'm thankful today for those little things.

This weekend I got my nice warm mittens stolen, at church of all places.  I was really upset mostly because it is freezing cold already and they were the only mittens that kept me warm enough and still allowed me to drive and grab things as I'm going places.  But, God had something else in mind and when I thought for sure I wouldn't find any good mittens in our small town, the Fleet store had these awesome leather mittens with lamb wool inside for only $15.  I was so excited and they are also so much warmer than my other gloves were.  So in a way it was a blessing to have my gloves stolen. :)

Talking about blessings, on Sunday we found a card in our church's inbox from an anonymous friend.  They were thanking Ehren and I for all we do at the church and there was a $50 cash in it.  We were both shocked and would love to know who did it.  It is just so unexpected and the person doesn't even know how it blessed us because money is tight around this time of the year.

So much to be thankful for and so much I don't deserve.  Tonight some of my best friends came over for a girls Christmas ornament exchange and it was so nice to fellowship with these sweet ladies.  I'm really glad I took the time to do it and plan for it.  I love spending time with them. Here is the picture with our ornaments.  It was taken by a very bad camera so it's not the best picture but at least something.  Fun girls night for sure! 

Tomorrow I am a Kindergarten teacher again for 3 days in a row so I better get some rest so I can keep up with those kiddos. :) Life is good!

busy

Well, when it rains it pours :).  I have been waiting and waiting for subbing more at the Elementary school and I am getting my wish these last two weeks.  It started with Kindergarten all week last week and this week it's one thing after another.  I do enjoy it and am thankful for the opportunity but this week cannot get done fast enough.  Of course when there is one thing going on, there's everything at once.  Our church is having their annual huge Christmas choir concert with all the kids and adults involved this weekend.  Normally it would just be getting the kids to the practices but since Ehren is the main sound guy he's been spending most evenings and nights at church this week.  And on top of that I scheduled our Sunday School class Christmas party for tomorrow night, the night before the first concert.  I really tried to have it another night but nothing worked for the people involved so it had to be tomorrow.  Still, I thought I would have plenty of time for cleaning up and decorating our house since I haven't been subbing much.  And here I am, the night before the party, trying to get everything ready and cleaned up and appetizers prepped because I've been subbing every day with stuff going on almost every night. 

I really can't complain one bit, it is a blessing to be called to sub especially since I was starting to think they are all against me over there. :) Turns out they kind of like me and keep asking me to come back.  Today it was 2nd grade and that was a bit challenging.  Overall it was a good class, but the teacher had so many tasks and worksheets she expected the kids to get done and me correct them that it got a bit too much.  About one third of the class had a hard time with every assignment and needed my personal attention while a few smart kids kept asking for more work to do and while other kids couldn't sit still and still a couple other kids kept coming up to me saying they have a head ache, stomach ache, I need to tie their shoes or give them band aides for paper cuts. :) I was almost losing it a few times and have no idea how that teacher deals with such high-needs class.  So far the 3 kindergarten classes I taught were way better on staying on tasks than these 2nd graders.  But it is good for me to find out what each grade is like and how to deal with the kids.  It is so different from class to class.  Tomorrow I am a music teacher again which means I'll have all different grades all day long.  I'm excited because I get to teach Ani's and Kason's classes and it's fun when I know the kids there already.  Plus, with music there's no work to be done.  It's just playing games or watching something so not that hard.  The kids I've subbed for get really excited too when they see me in the hallways or in the lunch room and it's kind of cool.  It is really something how kids can get attached to a teacher.  I feel like most of the times I sub I am frantically trying to figure out how to do everything in the time given and there's no time for fun or even nurturing with the younger kids.  Yet, for some reason as I walk in the hallways kids get excited to see me and some just come up to me and hug me really tightly as if we were really good buddies.  It makes me smile and think how they don't even know how much it means to me.  Without ever hearing I did a good job because I very rarely hear from a teacher afterwards seeing the kids' big smiles is what I get and that's ok with me.

 

back to subbing

We had a great Thanksgiving weekend visiting Ehren's brother and family in the Cities.  Just nice, relaxing time and had a lot of fun visiting with everyone at Ehren's aunt Grace's family for a Thanksgiving meal.

We got home last night and I was kind of hoping for a day to myself where I could get stuff done at home, get some Christmas decorations out and stuff.  Plus I was a bit under the weather with a cold coming on so a restful day sounded great.  But, as I was getting the kids some breakfast I got a phone call to sub for a Kindergarten teacher.  Of course I said yes.  A small part of me wanted to say I couldn't but then I've been waiting and waiting to get a call for the Elementary school so I had to go.  And how bad would it be since I already subbed in Kason's class and it went great.

Well, not so much today. :) I know a big part of it was that the kids came back to school after a 4 day weekend but I just wasn't expecting so much wildness.  Most of the class was pretty disruptive, getting into arguments and fights, and the never ending tattle telling.  It doesn't help when I come to the classroom in the morning and there's a 5 page sheet of the instructions for the day which I'm trying to figure out in 10 minutes.  Of course, half of the important assignments according to the sheet I could not find anywhere and had to ask another teacher for help.  So, the day was a bit crazy and chaotic and I just thought how the Kindergarten teachers must be saints for sure.  I was relieved when towards the end of the day we got most of the things on the list accomplished and no kids got hurt. :)

But then the last few minutes of the day were crazy.  I thought I gave the kids enough time to put all their winter gear on but when you have 10+ kids that you need to stand over or else they will not even begin to get dressed it is a nightmare.  There were at least 3 boys that if I didn't physically put their snowpants, boots, coats and mittens on for them they would be still sitting there now.  So, I got them all lined up according to the bus schedule, with the kids that were going to be picked up first, then some staying for afterschool program and so on.  In the meantime the kids kept coming out of their line, push and shove each other so it was a bit crazy.  I walk out of the building with a long line of 5 year olds following me and getting on 10 different buses or so.  When we're half way done, I call out the names of kids for a particular bus and an extra boy is heading that way.  I ask his name and of course, he's one of the kids that should have stayed after school for a booster club.  Phew, I had him hold my hand and back to school we went after all the kids boarded the bus safely.  And, when I got to the classroom I found out another girl got on the bus that should have stayed too. :)  Just things like that you don't realize how much the teachers have to deal with.  This particular teacher had someone die in her family unexpectedly and she took the next 2 days off too.  Which means 2 more days with the same class.  I sure hope I'm able to calm them down better tomorrow.  The one thing that worked was when I would either read a book out loud to them or else we would use the smart board for something so if they're wild again tomorrow I may have to read a lot of books. :) 

But at one point during the day when the kids had their free activity time, some girls were working on writing their letters to Santa.  One girl was finishing up her letter and with a smile she said to me "my mom will know what I wrote." I'm thinking sure, she's going to know because you're bringing these letters home but another girl interrupted my thought saying "her mom is in Heaven".  I was stunned for a moment, mostly because of how calm and peaceful this girl was about her mom being in Heaven.  A little 5 year old girl that might never have that "mom" person in her life.  And so many times her teacher is the closest one to being her mom.  So in the midst of the crazy and chaotic day it really hit me and it sure changes the prospective of a "bad" day. :)

When I got home today, in the middle of making dinner I dug out just one Christmas decoration - an Advent wreath.  I lit the first candle and it was good.  I hope there are many moments like this when  I pause and remember what and who is really important in my life.